Coping With the Miracle

Perhaps the single most momentous event in your life is becoming a parent. What may be surprising to the new parent, is how physically and emotionally stressful taking care of a baby can be. It can be likened to running a marathon while suffering sleep deprivation and constantly worrying that your slightest action or inaction can have devastating consequences. Not to mention that most new parents used to have something called a life, that is now suspended, interrupted or otherwise jammed into a day with far too few hours.

There simply is no preparation for the miraculous and overwhelming event of parenthood. Hans Selye, defined stress as any significant variation from the routine. Therefore, getting married and moving into a new home, can be just as stressful as getting divorced or losing a job. The bigger the adaptation required, the greater the perceived stress. The amount of adaptation required to accommodate a new baby is huge, both physically and emotionally.

Physically, your priorities become feeding your baby when hungry, changing them when wet or dirty and providing them with a clean and safe environment where they can play and rest. It sounds simple, but just this simplified list can take 20 of the 24 hours in a day until you get the hang of it. This is when learning to cut yourself some slack becomes an essential survival tool.

As you focus on your new baby, it’s tempting to ignore your own physical needs. Don’t! As you run down, stress can erode your health. It’s important to get adequate rest – even if it has to be in 15 minute increments. Eat a healthy diet that includes lean proteins, lots of complex carbohydrates and moderate healthy oils. When we’re feeling overwhelmed, we tend to gravitate to all the wrong foods which actually increase our bodies stress. For instance, drinking coffee and colas to stay awake, may keep you awake when you need to sleep. High fat and sugary desserts may give you a temporary boost of energy but it creates a burden on your liver that will make you feel more fatigued and keeps the vicious cycle of stress going.

Emotionally, the simple realization that another life is entirely dependent on you, is a kind of stress that can be simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. It keeps you awake at night, when you’re not already awake for the 2 o’clock, 4 o’clock or 6 o’clock feeding! As a society that prides itself on being self sufficient, in control and able to multitask with aplomb, it can be startling that overnight, one’s very identity has morphed to include a wordless wonder that you are content to serve with unending devotion. You’re now a parent, and your life is forever defined by that event.

Emotional stress is amplified by our fear of failing or by having an impossibly high standard that one must measure up to. The funny thing about becoming a parent is that these old tapes that one stored subconsciously since childhood, on “how I’m going to be a better parent than my parents” suddenly appear. Most of us have unrealistic expectations for our parenting skill and virtually all of us fail with humbling regularity. Remind yourself that that’s Ok and that love is the antidote for most of our mistakes.

You will have to rearrange your life and modify your expectations so that you can survive and thrive, as well as your baby. Some warning signs that you need help to better handle these challenges are: chronic exhaustion, increased irritability, inability to concentrate, headaches, digestive disorders, muscle aches and fatigue, loss of libido and depression. If any of these symptoms are severe and lasting, it’s advisable to see your doctor as you may be suffering from a hormonal imbalance or some other disorder that can be helped medically.

And perhaps the most important thing to remember in this crazy time of transition as you are becoming a family – is to enjoy your baby. That is the balm that eases your passage through sleepless nights, colic and teething. Their smiles, their radiant beauty and the utter miracle of their birth is enough to sustain you – until their teens……

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